I did not grow up in a religious family.  We believed in God but did not attend church. In adulthood I had the privilege to care for members of my family in their senior years.  Caring for Dad was the longest.  It was six years.  I did not feel God’s presence and there were times I felt isolated and alone.  If I had known the power of prayer, I would have done much better. To uplift you, in your dark moments of caregiving, I asked Bob Stillwell, a dynamic retired minister, “What is the power of prayer and how can it help?”  Bob shared the following:

Perhaps the simplest way to understand prayer is to acknowledge that we yearn for a vital relationship with God and that God desires to express unconditional love for us.  So, prayer is talking to God, listening to God, praising God, thanking God, often waiting for God and responding to God.

We are encouraged and invited by the nudging of God’s Spirit to open ourselves and share as if confiding in a loving and trusted parent.  No magic words or formulas are necessary:  only authentic words.  They may be spontaneous or scripted.  They may be personal, private, or public.  And it’s reassuring to recall Paul’s promise to the Roman Christians: “…the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words.”  (Romans 8:26)

Every exhausted caregiver for someone with dementia understands “groans and sighs” when words simply will not come.  It is also powerfully reassuring to know that others are faithfully interceding with their own prayers.

The main power of prayer is the gradual realization that we are not alone.  We are not without hope.  Imagine a divine healing presence alongside you and your loved one, awakening hope.

Often it helps to have a framework for prayers.  One such model follows the acronym “A.C.T.S.” (Adoration…Confession…Thanksgiving…Supplication.)

Begin with Adoration and praise.  Admit your human limitations.  Recall previous blessings.  Express your trust in God’s sovereignty and steadfast love.  Imagine a divine healing presence alongside you and your loved one, awakening hope.

Move to Confession.  Center on the reality of your situation.  Own up to your frailty, exhaustion, resentment, anger, fear, guilt, loneliness.  Allow yourself to be forgiven.

Spend time giving thanks.  There are positive blessings in every circumstance.  Cherish warm memories, moments of respite.  Express gratitude for resources, caring professionals who give honest feedback and exercise patience.  Thank God for companions on the journey who know what you are feeling.

Finally, ask God for what you need.  Try not to limit God to a specific, desired outcome.  But seek help, yearn for support, strength, patience, stamina.  Pray for self-awareness, courage, gentleness.  Ask for trust to be able to release your loved one into God’s future where wholeness and joy await.

Being in Hospice feels like they’ve lost the battle.  They’d rather be in denial.  This feeling of denial often keeps people from getting the best care possible, when they need it So many of my clients have fought bringing in Hospice for their care. Why?  They are fighters.  most.  Hospice is high-quality care that focuses on comfort and quality of life. It is paid for by Medicare, Medicaid, and most insurance plans.  Last year millions of dying Americans were cared for by hospice.  Yet, there are some important facts about hospice many people still do not know.

The National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization, in April of 2013 compiled and wrote these ten facts about hospice that everyone needs to know:

1. Hospice is not a place—it’s high-quality care that focuses on comfort and quality of life.
2. Hospice is paid for by Medicare, Medicaid, and most insurance plans. Fear of costs should never prevent a person from accessing hospice care.
3. Hospice serves anyone with a life-limiting illness, regardless of age or type of illness.
4. Hospice provides expert medical care as well as spiritual and emotional support to patients and families.
5. Research has shown that many Americans would prefer to be at home at the end of life—hospice makes this possible for most people.
6. Hospice serves people living in nursing homes and Assisted Living facilities.
7. Hospice patients and families can receive care for six months or longer.
8. A person may keep his or her referring physician involved while receiving hospice care.
9. Hospice offers grief and bereavement services to family members to help them adjust to the loss in their lives.
10. Research has shown people receiving hospice care can live longer than similar patients who do not opt for hospice.

If this information about hospice surprises you, take the time to find out more. The best time to learn about hospice is before you or someone in your family is facing a medical crisis.

My husband always took care of our finances.  Recently I learned from our accountant that our tax returns were not filled correctly.  My husband has the beginning stages of dementia and his memory is declining along with his organizational skills.  He never shared with me the bookkeeping, our stocks and bonds, or any other financial information.  I don’t know where to begin or how to take over.

This is a cry I often hear.  Therefore, Alex Vassey, my CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ professional, and I would like to share some good information.

There are “preventative measures” and there are “after the fact measures”.  We believe it’s always best to take preventative steps to avoid problems before they occur.  Since your husband is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s disease, he is still quite aware, can think and function on a meaningful level.  This is the time to encourage him to share information with you, even if you haven’t shown an interest in financial matters before.  The things he should share include: the location of all bank statements; passwords for all financial accounts, (if they are kept on line); and your financial durable power of attorney. If you don’t have a financial durable power of attorney yet, now is an important time to name one.  It could be you or an adult child who has an interest in financial matters and who acts in your best interest.  From this point forward your husband and the chosen financial power of attorney should have access to all statements.

If your husband enjoyed watching the market and making decisions as when to sell or buy stocks, he may not have a financial planner or adviser.  Under the circumstances now is a good time to find a good financial adviser your husband and financial power of attorney feel comfortable with and whose judgement is sound.

Finally, this is a good time to review beneficiaries.  So many people forget to update their decisions.

There are times you’ve waited too long, and the person in charge of the family finances is no longer able to make decisions or has died.  There are still steps that can be taken.  If possible, gather bank statements and locate bank and custodial information and take them to your family financial adviser.  If you don’t know where these statements are located, have your accountant or financial adviser review last year’s 1099 forms.  He will have good advice on where and how to locate financial statement as well as suggestions for further steps you should take.

One last piece of advice, make no significant changes until you have a complete understanding of your financial situation.

It is a shame when we don’t take an interest in our financial affairs until we are forced into it. Be proactive. Take “preventative measures” rather than being faced with “after the fact measures”.

The most difficult thing for many people is to give themselves rest and relaxation when they are caring for a loved one with dementia.  Woman are programmed to be caregivers; babies, family members, and loved ones.  Many men take on this role very effectively.  As a result, we as family caregivers, exhaust ourselves.  Here are some tips that might be helpful:

First and foremost, ask family, church family, neighbors and friends for their help.  Often, they are willing to help if suggesting a task they feel comfortable giving.  I have found people like making meals, driving your loved one to hair and other appointments, visiting, and helping with tasks around the house. People are more willing to help than you realize.  They just need to be asked.

Group care, professional care and support groups are available in the community to give you respite.  Several people have called and said, “I need help, but can’t afford professional care”.  If you are a veteran or have Medicaid, call the appropriate office for help.  If you are on Medicare, you have several options for inexpensive care.  There is group care at Senior Solutions for a nominal cost, and group care at Golden Corner Respite Care.  The Golden Corner Respite is an excellent program for people with Dementia, that I have encouraged all my clients to attend.  It meets once a week, on Thursday from 1:00-4:00.  The program is aided by volunteers.  (If you are available, they can use your help).  While the cost is $20.00 per session, you can get a voucher from the Alzheimer’s Association to cover that cost. In the Fall, there will be 2 family caregiver support programs starting, Dementia Dialogue and REACH. Both programs are excellent.  They give you a chance to talk about your particular situation and get answers and support.  Each has a program for your loved one with dementia, while you are getting the support you need.

If you would like professional caregiving help, you have two choices: independent caregivers or those assigned by a caregiving company or corporation.  The least expensive means for care giving is to find an independent person.  Sources for these people may include someone from your neighborhood, your church or through a reference from a friend.  When you don’t know the perspective worker, it is best to have a background check, a drug test, and several references so that you can choose someone reliable and safe to be in your home.  You would also want to know they have had experience working as a caregiver.

A caregiving company would have already given their employees background checks, drug tests, and reference checks.  Some companies provide sitters.  When you hire a sitter, you can decide the type of care and program you desire for your loved one.  Other companies provide care with a plan including physical exercise, mental stimulation and good nutrition.  It is best to choose a care giving company whose philosophy matches your own.